I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
