I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
