If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
