I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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