just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize