So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
