So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
this hospital has no fireball
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
