I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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