I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
