That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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