Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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