after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
