my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
