I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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