Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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