just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
