If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
