Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
