if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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