Nicole vs. Life
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
