Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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