If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
