Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
high people should be assigned attendants
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
