So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
