woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
