Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
