Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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