can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
