No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
