who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
