I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I canโt really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them โrobitsโ
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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