help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
