you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
