My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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