Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
