i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
