I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
