There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm too high and old for this...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
