i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
