oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
