Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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