I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
