Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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