The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Your shirt... Was in my pants
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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