A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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