he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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