Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
