new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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