Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
bring money and cleavage
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
