I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
