I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
