So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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