I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You left your phone here
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