the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
