just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
