I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
