you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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