I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
