I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
