Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think my vagina is haunted
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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