I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
