How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
