Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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