i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
