maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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