John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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