i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
