I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
