You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
