a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
