You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
