He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
