quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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